By: S. D. Jones
(WARNING--CONTAINS GRAPHIC LANGUAGE)
Hello wrestling fans this is your very own SD Jones with the much anticipated EXCLUSIVE interview with Alfonzo Lamas!
SD--Hello Alfonzo it is a great honor to me, to get this interview for our Internet readers.
AL--Internet Readers, sheesh...like those Redneck Whores on AOL? Yeah I know what's up. They're all fat and ugly. Every female on AOL is fat ass redneck whore! But don't take my word for it, just ask Stunning Stan Stoudamire, who is now known as Mr. STD from messing around with those fat ass Redneck Whores from that other county.
SD--OK! What a wonderful start! So Alfonzo, I'm cutting to the chase with this one. What is your deal with SSS?
AL--You mean Scotty "No Acting Abilty" Skywalker? Well the deal is, STD Jones, Skywalker has no business in the GFW, Hollywood, Provo, or in my major motion pictures. He can't act, he's certainly not a born star like myself, and he can't wrestle. But, I will give him credit for being able to kiss Bob Wilson's ass better than anyone in the GFW. That is why he has that Heavyweight Belt, which is soon to be mine.
SD--Well I think you answered my question. So what is going on with Alfonzo right now.
AL--STD it's like this, when your a big star like me, you are constantly doing something, whether its working on a movie, working out, wrestling, or going out with my hot ass girlfriend Shae Marks. Speaking of my girl Shae...to all of you Redneck Whores that foam at the mouth everytime Alfonzo comes through the entrance, take a look at Shae Marks sometime, and you just might learn a thing or two, hell, you all may learn 2 or 3 thousand things.
Shae Marks
SD--Now we are going to play a game of word association. First off: Habib...
AL--Dumb, but tough.
SD--SSS...
AL--Redneck!
SD--The Fans...
AL--Redneck Whores!
SD--Bob Wilson...
AL--A man that better not try to fuck me around...I don't runaway like the other "SUPA-STARS" do!
SD--Redwing Luke Embry...
AL-A stupid-ass, inbred, shit-for-brains, spray-painted truck drivin', taint-suckin', mother-fuckin' REDNECK that better be watching his goddam ass!!!
SD--Whoa!...ummm...Bradford Riley?
AL--He Sucks!
SD--Steve Austin...
AL--King Redneck!
SD-Alfonzo Lamas...
AL--A redneck hunting, major motion picture superstar, wrestling champion, who has it all and a big-breasted playmate/co-star/girlfriend to go with it!
SD--Thanks for your time Alfonzo!
AL--One last thing...HEY!!! All of you REDNECK WHORES!!! Stop typing in your stinking chat rooms, and listen up! The man that you all look up to--because your husband is a beer swilling idiot who does nothing but sit on the couch--will be back in town on the 21st. Consider it a late Valentines present to all of you Redneck Whores. So tell your fat husband to move his ass so you can find some change in the couch, and come to the Provo Pit, where you will witness the damn finest human being in backyard sports entertainment today!!!